Making Mornings Less Bad

Or how I started pretending to have a dog

Mornings have always been a struggle for me, and I’ve tried a lot of different morning routines over the years. (I’ve also tried a lot of bedtime routines, but that’s for another post!) 

I’ve tried just about everything I could think of to make mornings better, like:

• Morning pages

• Exercise 

• Tarot

• Meditation

• Light therapy lamps

• Self-affirmations

• Pressing snooze repeatedly

• Putting my alarm clock across the room and still pressing snooze repeatedly

• A sunrise alarm clock

• Podcasts

• Aromatherapy

• Sunlight exposure

• Reading 

• Hiding under the covers and doomscrolling

• Playing Stardew Valley

Since having a kid, outside of a handful of exhausting occasions when I attempted (and failed) to be the kind of mom who wakes up at 5am, I’ve fallen into the habit of staying in bed until my 2-year-old wakes up. Once she’s awake, my routine is her routine – making her breakfast, cleaning up her breakfast, negotiating toothbrush usage, convincing her that it is time to sit on the potty, convincing her that it is time to get off of the potty, getting her dressed, and withstanding the tantrum when she inevitably discovers that her favorite pair of orange socks is still dirty and no I haven’t done laundry yet.

Once I hand off my toddler to my husband for daycare drop-off, I crash, losing all momentum. I feel groggy and irritable and generally not great. It doesn’t help that I quit coffee a couple years back, and now even a whiff of caffeine and I implode into a jittery cranky mess. Starting my own day – separate from starting my child’s day – can feel like an insurmountable challenge.

To Improve A Morning Routine, First Figure Out the Real Need

Mental health professionals

Kathryn Barbash, PsyD

and Sharon Saline both recommend clarifying the real issue with a morning routine before trying to change it.

Sometimes I just feel vaguely guilty that I don’t have a “good enough” morning routine, or I’m not “productive enough” in the mornings, whatever that mean s.

What Barbash and Saline caution us to avoid is just throwing a bunch of activities at our morning routine because we feel like we’re supposed to do them. This isn’t about performing some sort of ideal of glorious morning productivity. The idea is, instead, to focus on making small changes that address the actual unmet needs I have in the morning. 

For me, the real issue is sleep inertia, or feeling groggy and sleepy for a while after waking up – despite getting a solid 8 hours of sleep. The demands of taking care of my kid force me to go through the motions of her morning routine each day, but once she’s out the door the inertia is overwhelming. 

A Morning Routine for Sleep Inertia: RISE-UP

Research has found that the RISE-UP morning routine can improve sleep inertia symptoms, at least in people with bipolar disorder and insomnia, though it seems likely this routine would help others as well. The acronym RISE-UP stands for:

• Refrain from pressing snooze. Get out of bed immediately following the first alarm.

• Increase physical activity for the first hour. Get in some physical activity within an hour of waking. This can be light activity like chores or a short walk. Limit sedentary activities.

• Shower or wash your face with cold water. 

• Exposure to sunlight. Get outdoor sunlight if possible, use a light therapy lamp if not.

• Upbeat music. 

• Phone a friend. Engage in social contact–chat with housemates, call a friend, say hi to the barista–within the first hour upon waking.

The idea of light physical activity in the morning somehow managed to blow my mind. Despite all the energy I’ve put into unlearning diet culture, healing my relationship to movement, and all that good stuff, here I was still thinking that morning exercise needed to be, you know, capital-E Exercise. Like a HIIT workout, a full-body strength training program, or a 60-minute yoga class. 

When I read over the RISE-UP routine, I was floored by the realization that morning physical activity could be as simple as a 5-minute walk around the block.

And, actually, this made a lot of sense. I have always had really great mornings on silent meditation retreats, where the morning routine is just to get up and walk over to the meditation hall. 

I don’t have a dog (though I have two ridiculous cats), but I know that many dog owners start their days by taking their dogs out for a quick walk. I started to wonder…if I just pretend that I have a dog that needs to be walked in the mornings, maybe I would start feeling a little bit better at the beginning of the day.

Photo by leonides ruvalcabar on Unsplash

Walking My Imaginary Dog: My New Morning Routine

Using the RISE-UP routine as inspiration, my new morning routine is:

1. Get up with my alarm, before my toddler wakes up

2. Splash cold water on my face and apply sunscreen

3. Go on a mindful 10-minute walk outside

4. Go wake up my toddler and get her ready for school

5. Work out while listening to upbeat music

6. Eat breakfast near a window

I should note that this routine is what works for me in this unique season of my life. I live somewhere with temperate weather, I feel comfortable walking alone in my pajamas in my neighborhood, my body’s abilities allow me to walk, my daughter reliably sleeps until 7am, and I have a flexible work-from-home career. This routine definitely wouldn’t work for every person, every life stage, or every morning need — but it’s working great for me right now.

I have been loving this routine since I put it in place last week. It’s easier to get out of bed, and I start my days energized and regulated. I’m more patient with my toddler, and it’s been easier to start my workday. And, on my short morning walks, I see plenty of people out with their dogs, confirming my suspicion that dog owners have known about the power of the short morning walk all along. 

A Sample of ADHDer Morning Routines

While researching ideas for improving my own morning routine, I found a few ADHD writers who have shared the routines that have worked for them. 

• Rachel Anne Helms suggests a simple, flexible routine where you do something for your body (like exercise or stretching), something for your mind (like meditation or journaling), and something for your environment (like making your bed). This approach blends just enough structure with just enough variety to keep things interesting.

• Skye Rapson recommends ADHDers make the act of creating a routine an enjoyable one—going to a favorite coffee shop or putting on good music while you’re working on your routine ideas. She also suggests adding fun, stimulating activities to help make moving on to the next task easier.

• Kara Sanderson focuses first on crafting her environment with sound (music), lighting, smell (candles or aromatherapy), and caffeine. She then chooses an adventure from a list of activities she enjoys (including journaling, affirmation cards, or a hobby). 

• Charlie Rewilding
  limits overstimulation in the mornings by staying off her phone, walking the dog (ah ha!), and doing some gentle exercise.  

***

This post was inspired when, during the same week in mid-February, both

Kathryn Barbash, PsyD

and

Marika Páez Wiesen

wrote lovely posts about morning routines and motherhood (you can check them out here and here). Their thoughtful writing got me thinking a lot about my own mornings, and how I might make them work just a little bit better for me.

How have your mornings been going? Do you have a routine that is working well for you? Is there an unmet need in your morning rhythm? Is your dog real or imaginary? I’d love to hear about it!

Stay curious,

Dr. Taylor Allbright