My Go-To Emotional First Aid Strategy
How I responded to rumination, anxiety, and a struggling inner child this week
Welcome to ADHD Unpacked! I’m Taylor Allbright, a former professor turned mental health writer and ADHD coach. This newsletter is where I unpack all things ADHD research, mental health, and executive functioning.
I’m going to be experimenting with some different types of posts over the next few weeks. Today, I’m jumping in with the first in a series that I’m calling “The Fanny Pack.” These posts will share just one strategy or resource that could be helpful for your productivity or well-being.
Why a fanny pack? Well, first because these will be short and sweet, and it (hopefully?) doesn’t take that long to unpack a fanny pack. And second, because these tips will be more like the kind of tiny useful item (like travel-size hand sanitizer, lip balm, or pocket tissues) that one might stuff in a fanny pack on your way to a big adventure like a music festival or a theme park or a power walk around the block.
Of course, I will also keep writing my signature research deep dives (like this one on women and ADHD), as well as personal essays about my own mental health and executive functioning struggles (like this one on morning routines). As always, let me know if there is anything in particular you want me to unpack for you!
-T
The Fanny Pack: RAIN for Emotional First Aid
The other day, I got a piece of mild criticism.
Someone disagreed with how I did a thing, and they suggested I do a different thing. It was very helpful and relevant and totally appropriate.
And my brain went WILD. I had inner voices…
Telling me I was a complete idiot and everything I did was wrong
Telling me that I was brilliant and that anyone who dared to suggest otherwise was wrong
Preparing an extensive, angry defense that explained exactly why nothing I did was ever wrong
Replaying the things that I did, trying to figure out what I should have done better
Rehearsing over and over and over what I should do next time
Criticizing myself for spiraling out over this really very minor and mundane thing that seriously is not a big deal Taylor come on just RELAX already
After a few hours of this, the thing I did that finally, actually helped was a technique called RAIN. I had to use it a few times over the next couple of days, and each time it helped tremendously.
The technique was developed by meditation teacher Michele McDonald. I first learned this from Tara Brach’s podcast, and later I read Brach’s book on it. (Brach’s resource page on RAIN has links to the book and other videos and guides.)
RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture1. Here’s how I use it:
Recognize that I’m feeling bad. I take a second to realize that, no matter what all the different voices are telling me about what I should or shouldn’t be feeling, that, right now, in this moment, I’m feeling kinda bad. I tell myself something like, “This moment is hard” or “I feel bad right now.”
Allow the experience to just happen, without fighting it. I focus on relaxing my body and just letting the waves of thoughts and sensations wash over me. I’ll notice the tightness in my chest and throat, the busy racing thoughts in my brain, the knots in my stomach. The negative feelings rise up and crest, like a giant wave, and then, as I continue letting them wash over me, they gradually begin to ebb a bit.
Investigate the underlying need with curiosity. I ask myself, “What is the need I have right now? What is beneath these difficult feelings? What is driving these thoughts?” I let the question sit in my mind, and the answer gently emerges: I need to feel that I am good enough. That I belong. That I am worthy of love. That I am valued by others.
Nurture with compassion and kindness. I validate the struggle that I’m feeling, “Wow, this is really hard! It is really hard when someone criticizes something we did. You are not alone – struggling with criticism is a near-universal human experience. So many people can relate to this!” I also seek to meet the needs as best I can, offering words of kindness to my vulnerable inner child. “You are loved. You are good enough.”
I’ve found RAIN to be a really helpful first aid technique for anxiety, intrusive thoughts, rumination, and other difficult-to-bear experiences. I hope it is helpful to you too!
Have you used a technique like RAIN? How has it worked for you? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Stay curious,
Dr. Taylor Allbright
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In the original version from Michele McDonald, the steps are Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Non-Identification.
The name of the series made me chuckle! As a dog walker, I always carry a fanny pack. My kids were relentless in their teasing of me, calling me a granny! About 5 years ago, we walked into a retail store for young people. The wall was decorated in fanny packs in colors of the rainbow. The staff were wearing them! I guess all fashion flows in and out of favor. Eventually, my style was "in!"
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