As I started to immerse myself in online ADHD discourse, I started seeing the acronym “RSD,” which stands for “rejection sensitive dysphoria,” everywhere. YouTube videos and Substack posts provided helpful explainers about RSD, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, which was described as a symptom of ADHD. A Google image search revealed dozens of RSD infographics and checklists. On ADHD forums, people worried that their RSD would prevent them from graduating or that a partner’s RSD was going to break up their relationship.
I used to have a huge amount of emotional dysregulation, but doing CPTSD and attachment work around self-validation and self-soothing completely cured it and I was very emotionally stable by the time I realized I had ADHD. So I think executive function difficulties is the ADHD symptom...if it is manifesting as emotional dysregulation that really depends on the person and what else is going on in their nervous system, I don't think it's a core symptom even if it's widespread, because trauma and people not having good emotional self-care skills is also widespread. So, ADHD may make your emotional health worse if it's already bad, but that doesn't make it a core symptom by itself IMHO.
This is a fascinating take, and I am in awe of your healing journey! I’ve been doing my own deep trauma recovery work for over a decade, and I know that it is a long hard road to see big changes in our emotional lives as trauma survivors.
What you’re saying is much more in line with the current DSM definition of ADHD, which notes that emotional dysregulation is an associated characteristic of ADHD but isn’t a diagnostic criteria.
Something I’m wondering about is the relationship between the environment and ADHD emotional dysregulation. ADHD children experience so much criticism and shaming over things that are out of their control — if our parents and educators were better resourced to support ADHD kids, would we see something different in terms of emotional regulation? I wonder.
Yes, I think for sure there is an environmental component. ADHD gives you a very different motivational profile, and the feeling of being constantly told that you should be motivated in a way that you are just not, and things should be easy that just are not, is very confusing (even if you weren't explicitly shamed for being disruptive or inattentive). Being made to feel you are lazy, when it has nothing at all to do with laziness, and just not being given the tools to know how to work with your brain instead of always fighting yourself--it's like being given an upside down map and told to just follow it. It seems like a form of unintentional gaslighting, and we know gaslighting definitely leads to emotional dysregulation.
Bringing in the environment then also brings in the whole conversation about neurodiversity and the social model of disability and the idea that maybe ADHD and autism are not disorders so much as differences, and the distress we experience is due to trying to fit into a world that defines us as wrong or broken rather than supporting our different needs. The DSM has a long history of pathologizing things that are actually just natural diversity (like being gay) because they were seen as deviant at the time.
I do think ADHD as a neurotype calls into question some of the bedrock values of modern society--like that you should just buckle down and do things you don't want to do. But like--why? Why is it so wrong with spending my time doing things I'm interested in, rather than making sure my house is spotless? I feel like my inability to force myself to do things has been an asset in the long run, because it's made me have to figure out what I actually love and find ways to pursue that, rather than just put up with "a life of quiet desperation" which so many people seem to do. But that's a whole other rabbit hole/soapbox 😂.
What I have found useful when I experience RSD is writing is very useful in documenting my spirals, the shame which for me is prevalent, and then processing it and talking it through with myself. I can then look at where it might be coming from, what parts are at play and along with my therapist then try and think about alternative views of the same thing. I.e. what other explanation could there be for X not messaging you back?
What were you telling yourself at the time?
Reflection and for me, going through it rather than around it has been very helpful in not only recognising that it is RSD and it is PERCEIVED rejection but also that next time, I can more quickly get to the alternate view and regulate more effectively/quickly
There is so much wisdom in these healing strategies! “Going through it rather than around it” is a phrase I’m going to keep close to my heart.
This comment also makes me think about the value of being able to name a thing like RSD--so we can, as you say, recognize it when it’s happening and remember new ways to approach it. This is another thing for me to think about in terms of how RSD is a valuable term regardless of the lack of research on it (at least so far!).
That is true, naming things helps especially when it's so very complex and often tied to so many emotions and experiences that can often cause the individual experiencing them to feel shame. I think, as the articles you alluded to and you did, as more experiences are documented, more assessments are carried out and more of individuals real life experiences are shared and discussed then hopefully more can be named, perhaps separated and then understood... Leading to better resources and support. 🤞🏻
Interesting. I wonder what role parenting plays in these issues. Growing up with my parents they generally considered 'emotional dysregulation' (not that they used that term) not in regards to the emotions I went through, but what I did about them.
I used to have a huge amount of emotional dysregulation, but doing CPTSD and attachment work around self-validation and self-soothing completely cured it and I was very emotionally stable by the time I realized I had ADHD. So I think executive function difficulties is the ADHD symptom...if it is manifesting as emotional dysregulation that really depends on the person and what else is going on in their nervous system, I don't think it's a core symptom even if it's widespread, because trauma and people not having good emotional self-care skills is also widespread. So, ADHD may make your emotional health worse if it's already bad, but that doesn't make it a core symptom by itself IMHO.
This is a fascinating take, and I am in awe of your healing journey! I’ve been doing my own deep trauma recovery work for over a decade, and I know that it is a long hard road to see big changes in our emotional lives as trauma survivors.
What you’re saying is much more in line with the current DSM definition of ADHD, which notes that emotional dysregulation is an associated characteristic of ADHD but isn’t a diagnostic criteria.
Something I’m wondering about is the relationship between the environment and ADHD emotional dysregulation. ADHD children experience so much criticism and shaming over things that are out of their control — if our parents and educators were better resourced to support ADHD kids, would we see something different in terms of emotional regulation? I wonder.
Yes, I think for sure there is an environmental component. ADHD gives you a very different motivational profile, and the feeling of being constantly told that you should be motivated in a way that you are just not, and things should be easy that just are not, is very confusing (even if you weren't explicitly shamed for being disruptive or inattentive). Being made to feel you are lazy, when it has nothing at all to do with laziness, and just not being given the tools to know how to work with your brain instead of always fighting yourself--it's like being given an upside down map and told to just follow it. It seems like a form of unintentional gaslighting, and we know gaslighting definitely leads to emotional dysregulation.
Bringing in the environment then also brings in the whole conversation about neurodiversity and the social model of disability and the idea that maybe ADHD and autism are not disorders so much as differences, and the distress we experience is due to trying to fit into a world that defines us as wrong or broken rather than supporting our different needs. The DSM has a long history of pathologizing things that are actually just natural diversity (like being gay) because they were seen as deviant at the time.
I do think ADHD as a neurotype calls into question some of the bedrock values of modern society--like that you should just buckle down and do things you don't want to do. But like--why? Why is it so wrong with spending my time doing things I'm interested in, rather than making sure my house is spotless? I feel like my inability to force myself to do things has been an asset in the long run, because it's made me have to figure out what I actually love and find ways to pursue that, rather than just put up with "a life of quiet desperation" which so many people seem to do. But that's a whole other rabbit hole/soapbox 😂.
What I have found useful when I experience RSD is writing is very useful in documenting my spirals, the shame which for me is prevalent, and then processing it and talking it through with myself. I can then look at where it might be coming from, what parts are at play and along with my therapist then try and think about alternative views of the same thing. I.e. what other explanation could there be for X not messaging you back?
What were you telling yourself at the time?
Reflection and for me, going through it rather than around it has been very helpful in not only recognising that it is RSD and it is PERCEIVED rejection but also that next time, I can more quickly get to the alternate view and regulate more effectively/quickly
There is so much wisdom in these healing strategies! “Going through it rather than around it” is a phrase I’m going to keep close to my heart.
This comment also makes me think about the value of being able to name a thing like RSD--so we can, as you say, recognize it when it’s happening and remember new ways to approach it. This is another thing for me to think about in terms of how RSD is a valuable term regardless of the lack of research on it (at least so far!).
That is true, naming things helps especially when it's so very complex and often tied to so many emotions and experiences that can often cause the individual experiencing them to feel shame. I think, as the articles you alluded to and you did, as more experiences are documented, more assessments are carried out and more of individuals real life experiences are shared and discussed then hopefully more can be named, perhaps separated and then understood... Leading to better resources and support. 🤞🏻
Interesting. I wonder what role parenting plays in these issues. Growing up with my parents they generally considered 'emotional dysregulation' (not that they used that term) not in regards to the emotions I went through, but what I did about them.